


I wanna cry, I'm callin' out (for one more try to feel alive)

by Twizzle_Lutz



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Character Study, F/M, Gen, Life & Death, Luke Patterson needs a hug, Minor Julie Molina/Luke Patterson, Please Someone Hug Him, Post-Canon, Post-Finale, Post-Season/Series 01, no beta we die like (wo)men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:48:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27218908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twizzle_Lutz/pseuds/Twizzle_Lutz
Summary: There are times when Luke wishes he never suggested getting street dogs. He misses breathing like he misses life-aching and desperate.A character study on the (after)life of Luke Patterson.
Relationships: Alex & Luke Patterson & Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms), Julie Molina/Luke Patterson
Comments: 2
Kudos: 84





	I wanna cry, I'm callin' out (for one more try to feel alive)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first piece in literal years and my very first on ao3. I was thinking about Luke and got sad, so I wrote this. Come get sad with me!
> 
> (Lyrics used are from the song 'Bright' and are not in actual order.)

  
_Sometimes I think I’m falling down_  
_I wanna cry, I’m callin’ out_

  
There are moments in his (after)life when he misses breathing. Of the feeling of letting loose a sigh, the excitement of holding his breath when showing the guys a song he had been laboring over, or just the simple feeling of his chest moving slowly up and down. There are times when Luke wishes he never suggested getting street dogs. He misses breathing like he misses life-aching and desperate. Luke wishes he could hear the rush of adrenaline after finishing a performance, the feeling of a song pumping through his veins, and the hammering of his heart when seeing Julie. He misses food. A lot.

  
_And times that I doubted myself_  
_I felt like I needed some help_

  
There are many awesome things about being a ghost. Traveling is a lot easier for one thing. He can go anywhere, anytime he wants. Luke could go days, _weeks_ without sleeping. Until he realizes he misses sleeping too. He loves that being a ghost brought him to the Molinas, _to Julie_. Then he realizes that the thing he misses most about being alive is _being alive_.

  
_Stuck in my head, with nothing left_

  
He recognizes that he should feel lucky. Well, as lucky as one can get when they're dead. Luke has Alex and Reggie, their music, the band, everything that mattered to him when he was alive. But he misses being human. He misses his parents, despite their problems. Luke misses the chance to make up with his parents (Though Julie helped him get some closure on that end). Of feeling the sun on his shoulders after a day of busking on the pier. Luke misses being around people and having people be around him. He misses being seen. And yes, Julie can see them and everyone can see them when he’s playing, but he misses the simple act of passing people on the street and the hint of recognition in their eyes that he is _there_.

  
_I feel something around me now_  
_So unclear, lifting me out_

  
Luke misses getting cold, and just the general feeling of the elements. He misses getting tired and hungry and feeling _human._ Luke misses everything about life. It’s like he’s stuck in purgatory, which technically, he is. He feels as alive as a dead guy can. He is happy (most of the time). He gets angry. He gets sad. He can cry, and laugh, and sing, and dance. He can hate. He can love. He can miss things. Luke should feel human, all that’s different is that he’s technically dead. Yet, he is stuck with all the emotions, all the heartache and pain with no tangible outlet except his music. He misses being alive more than he tolerates being dead.

  
_I know that I can make it home_

  
Yet, if he could go back and stop himself from leaving the Orpheum that night back in ‘95, he doesn’t know if he would. Being a ghost brought him closer to Alex and Reggie, a bond that surpasses death. He’s still unbelievably angry at Bobby (Trevor?) for stealing his music, but he imagines being the only one left alive was worse than dying with his friends. At least Luke has Reggie and Alex ( _and Julie_ ) with him. He couldn’t imagine being alone. Being a ghost brought him Julie and the Phantoms, of playing the Orpheum finally after 25 years of darkness. He misses a lot of things, but being dead brought a new chance at life. And he can’t help but cling to that little sliver of hope.

  
_For one more try to feel alive_


End file.
